|February is the worst season to be brokenhearted, so take care. Me, February 2010.|
It's already been eight months since my life got shattered into pieces. It's been eight months since she left me - yet the pain that throbs every passing minute make it seem as if it happened only yesterday. After eight months, it still cannot sink in. I haven't heard a single word from her after we parted. I can't accept that what we had were all just memories from the past. I try my best to cope with the heartbreak by getting myself preoccupied with work, but whenever I'm not busy with anything, I consistently find myself crying in the corner of the room as flashes of our blissful days come unfolding in my imagination. I try to read books to divert my mind, and it helps somehow, for a little.
I know I can't stay this way forever. I know it's easy for everyone to say that I'll overcome it but they just don't know what I'm going through. I don't feel like seeking advice from anyone anymore but on the account that you're a trusted friend and you've unconditionally spent your precious time hearing out my whining, I'll seek your help. What must I do?
The Man Who Can't Be Moved
To The Man Who Can't Be Moved,
First and foremost, eight months after she said goodbye, you haven't heard a single word from her, and yet you still cry at night? Come on. She's not the only "fish in the sea", so they say. Or if you'd allow me to go biblical, I'll say, "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Second, you're on the right track, pal. Keep yourself busy. Books are good - they allow you to enter another realm for some time. While you're at reading, why not try writing, too? I did that for someone who broke my heart once. I got tired of crying and I channeled all my emotions to write a short story for him. And because I'm such a sweet one, he was the protagonist. He was the protagonist who had a fatal disease because of encounters with different women, yet miraculously, his life and suffering got prolonged. He was close to death half of his life, and he grew old alone until he was begging to die. You should try writing, my friend. It's quite radical but it's so refreshing and liberating. :)
Third, you really can't stay that way forever, and a girl who didn't even bother keep in touch with you doesn't deserve a cameo role, even more so, the limelight. While she might be happily going on with her life, you are left crying. Don't you feel robbed dear? Your thoughts deserve someone who makes you feel loved, not robbed.
And yes dear, I know what you're going through. I've experienced heartbreak during my pre-goddess days. Successfully overcoming it made me immortal. You wanna know how I've gone about it?
Travel. Don't be too hard on yourself. Things might seem dark from where you are, but it might be totally bright and colorful in the other parts of the universe. You wouldn't know unless you try.
The joy of travel was what accompanied me during the dark days. Different places have been silent witnesses to what I was going through. From the time that the wound was so fresh, to the time I felt numb and lived a happy-go-lucky lifestyle, until the time I found what God really had in store for me. I hope this simple story would inspire you, friend.
A Month After the Breakup
When the Wound was so Fresh...
Puerto Princesa's busy streets were witnesses to my tears.
Yes. February. A great timing. Curse the month for all the hearts, the couples, and the sweetness. That was what was running through my mind that time. I cried while walking along the busy streets of Puerto Princesa one February in my life. It was Valentines' Day. I was fresh from a break up. It was a group trip, but he was supposed to be with me, on a later flight. Friends were making bets on whether he'd show up or not. He did not. It was Valentines' Day. Couples everywhere were so sweet. And while I was doing my best to enjoy the trip and contain myself, there came a point when I couldn't bear it anymore, and I broke down on one of Puerto Princesa's busy streets, unmindful of the people who saw me.
|I commissioned a dear friend to fake it for me. Desperate move.|
|Never mind my eyes.|
Single, Thrill Seeking, and Searching!
I had my Bohol flings!
Ohh yeah...Cebu and Bohol, baby! I got to try the Sky Experience Adventure in Crown Regency Hotel! The Skywalk and the Edge Coaster were things I so wanted to try since the first time I saw it on TV. It was also my first time to do the zipline alone. I was with my friends, but since we were odd-numbered, I volunteered to be the loner one - perhaps to prove to myself that I had the heart to do it, and prove him who has been with me on a zipline wrong (read between the lines). I was also extremely happy to take The Plunge in E.A.T. Danao in Bohol! Ahh, up to now, I still feel giddy whenever I remember The Plunge, and whenever I remember how unusually giddy I was (with an ear to ear smile and jumping a bit) while volunteering, "I'll go head first!", and the staff was all smiles at me. Friend, take The Plunge and you'll forget whatever bothers you - freely falling off a cliff with the cable harness as your sole source of life support, and ultimately swinging ever so gently atop the majestic view. Nothing beats the feel of the adrenaline rush immediately countered by the fact that you're still alive to witness God's marvelous creations. Up to now, whenever I feel down, I wish that there's something like this in our backyard. I think this is what you really need, friend. Seriously.
|Brokenhearted? Just Skywalk it through.|
|Or perhaps...take the plunge!|
|my Loboc River Mr. Harana...|
|A boyfriend for a day. Believe me.|
Seven Months After the Breakup
Stop Searching; Live Life to the Fullest!
Trek. Climb a mountain. Plant trees. Go to an overseas destination just two days after their citizens have been taken hostage in the Philippines. Ride a Turbo Drop all by yourself. Live and let go. There's no turning back!
|Loveless, but never been happier...|
|And I'm gonna ride that Abyss even if I have to do it alone.|
Eleven to Fourteen Months After the Breakup
I Travel to Find My Heart
During this time, I felt I was slowly morphing into an abnormal human being because no one caught my interest for months! In my own world, even celebrities have lost their appeal. It was the first time it happened, and so...I started to travel to find my heart.
Finding my heart was quite a challenging feat. It took me to the underworld, to an unusually cold summit, to the deep blue sea, to the raging river, to solo engagement shoots, and to the remotest locations.
|Dig deeper. Perhaps my heart is somewhere near.|
|Go higher. Go colder. (-4 degrees celsius summit in Pulag, January 2011)|
|Dive deeper, even if you don't know how to swim.|
|Brave the rapids.|
|Practice a prenup pictorial in Mindanao.|
|Practice a prenup pictorial in Luzon.|
|My heart, wherefore art thou?|
|Perhaps Bernardo Carpio knows.|
|Or this parrot?|
Fifteen Months After the Breakup
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
What's a more meaningful way to end an arduous journey than having a pleasant surprise at the end? For the past fifteen months, I have been through a lot. I was not expecting for a pleasant surprise, but yes, probably because I have been a good girl and did not have grudges about life, God blessed me. He is a wise God, for there couldn't have been a better way to bless His thrill seeking daughter than to bless her in the utmost pinnacle of her adventurous life. While I only wished for a travel buddy, I got a travel buddy plus more.
|To the highest! I will find my heart. Mt. Apo, April 2011.|
My sweeper - who makes sure I'm never left behind, and if ever I am, I'm not alone
My porter - who carries not only my things, but the whole of me when I'm at my worst
My team leader - who gives direction during my not-so-rare perplexed moments
My first aider - who makes sure I'll never be hurt again
|My heart? Nah. You look like my future husband.|
If one girl didn't have the heart to stand by you in a normal situation, how much more if you get to the worst case scenario? Frankly speaking, it's good that she left you and did not force a relationship with you - for you'll forever suffer if someone will stick by you only because she was forced to do so. Love the world. Love yourself.
Don't waste your life reserving yourself for someone who perceives you as weak and leaves it at that. Someone like that doesn't deserve your heart. You are strong. You are beautiful. Just live and love, and you'll see that the world will agree.
And perhaps instead of being The Man Who Can't Be Moved, travel will someday make you sing this for someone instead...
...and eventually, too, even if you had to experience heartbreak, you'll find the one who'll turn you into the one you always dreamed to be.
|I'd willingly go through everything, if I'll still meet you in the end.|
The Thrill Seeker Whose Love Conquered All
This is my entry to the Pinoy Travel Bloggers' Blog Carnival with the theme "Where Do Broken Hearts Go" hosted by Rain Amantiad-Campanilla of Rakistang Nars.